Most people are surprised to find out that I've never been in a "real" relationship. I've dated, seen, and had interest in plenty of guys, but never have I experienced that striking pull towards anyone enough to keep me captivated in anything more serious. The only benefit from countless failed trials is that I've learned a great deal about myself in trying to find reasons for my incapability to mingle successfully. It seems that most, if not all, of my problems stem from fear. A fear of committing to something that won't be fairly reciprocal. A fear of being fully exposed to vulnerability. A fear of becoming too dependent on another. A fear of giving trust, knowing it could easily be betrayed. A fear of abandonment. Ultimately, a fear of coming to know that magical feeling romantics concoct in their daydreams --love.
I wouldn't call myself a romantic. But in the deepest corner of my heart, I long for such fanciful dreams to become my reality. (This is the silly little girl in me that will always be apart of my composition). Fear is something hard to overcome so I can't proclaim to get over any of it simply like eating pie. But I know I have to be willing to be a little more vulnerable and trusting of others to catch my fall, if I want to give myself any chance of overcoming any illusions I created. All I want is somebody for me, and to be that somebody for that person too.
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